Why hello there, blog reader! Heh, I didn't see you come in! Would you like some coffee? Cereal perhaps? I have Cap'n Crunch (with crunch berries!) Oh you came looking for a new font? That's fine, too. Let's have a look here and HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS.
Do you remember the days when the sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" was used to show every letter in this beautiful (AMERICAN) alphabet? Well, let me tell you, Buddy, those days have gone the way of the Dodo bird. "But Anthony, what has that amazing (AMERICAN) sentence been replaced by?" An excellent question, (your name here), one that I can answer!
Here it is, in all it's misery.
"Queen Elizabeth's proxy waved off Mick Jagger"
WHAT?!
Do you remember the days when the sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" was used to show every letter in this beautiful (AMERICAN) alphabet? Well, let me tell you, Buddy, those days have gone the way of the Dodo bird. "But Anthony, what has that amazing (AMERICAN) sentence been replaced by?" An excellent question, (your name here), one that I can answer!
Here it is, in all it's misery.
"Queen Elizabeth's proxy waved off Mick Jagger"
WHAT?!
Just out of frame: the birth of Jesus Christ.
First-of-fucking-all, I follow no orders from some 300 year old Queen of Anywhere. Second of all, beforementioned 300 year old Queen's proxy (who i would suspect to be around her age) would have no strength to wave off Mick Jagger, a 300 year old musician. This sentence is bullshit.
I'm most offended because I am an American, and as such, everything I read, hear, and see should be in ENGLISH THE COUNTRY OF AMERICA THE GREATEST OKAY? So I'm going to take the liberty of changing this God-forsaken sentence into something a little more refreshing for all God Fearing Americans to enjoy. Want to hear it, here it go.
"George W. Bush's own hand waved off the country of his choosing for their negligence while beating up sharks."
Isn't that much better? It rolls off the tongue much faster, and it makes America look exactly what it should look like, FUCKING COOL. By the way, if you're not a Bush fan, you can replace him with any past President or present candidate of your choosing! Fun for all. Wait, fun for all AMERICANS.
Now I know where the dilemma would come in. "Ant! Ant! There is no letter 'j' 'm' 'p' 'q' 'x' or 'z' in that sentence! How do I know what these letters look like?" We-he-hell, this is a crap question, but I'll still give it the time of day. There doesn't have to be these letters in the sentence because they are far inferior to the one's in there already. Look at that sentence again, I'll wait. Pretty ball-busting good, right? Those letters would just take away from the awesomeness.
ALSO! You really want to know what those letters look like? Like, really, really want to know? Here's an idea, punch the fucking 'j' key on your keyboard, dumb ass! See what just came up?! A 'J', how's about that!
America needs to impress no other people ever, so I think it's time we used this new incredible sentence instead of that other sentence which is so useless and stupid and doesn't apply to Americans.
My point has been made.
- C.M. Ant
13 comments:
Great work.
Thanks for sharing the link, but unfortunately it seems to be offline... Does anybody have a mirror or another source? Please answer to my post if you do!
I would appreciate if a staff member here at thecopaseticblog.blogspot.com could post it.
Thanks,
Oliver
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