Monday, September 24, 2007

Fortune for a Quarter - I Love Quarters!

Today my fortune cookie read: “Now is a good time to expand your repertoire of skills and knowledge”

::Fasts forward to:: having not expanded a damn thing since I opened and ate this cookie two months ago, please ponder the expiration date of predictions. Short-term? Lifelong? Neverdontbelievethesethingstheyrestupid?

In a classic which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg scenario, please ponder the balance this small paper holds between the function and number keys on the keyboard and ask yourself does this fortune come true for you or do you come true for it?

Expand my horizons. Criticism or jealousy? Hard to tell being that you’ve sucked yourself into a black hole of poorly rated reality television and microwaving leftover cheeseburgers, “expand[ing] your repertoire of skills and knowledge” is daunting, is it not? Shit, you mean, I…I have to do something about something?

I shit you not.

Had you known that choosing noodles for dinner would cause so much internal conflict, do you now regret your past choices, mymyhowtheykeepyouupatnight! and go back and change things now that hingsight is 20/20 and thus make you, what you think, is better off than you are now?

I am not young enough to know everything Oscar Wilde said and you’re clearly old enough to underestimate yourself enough that this “repertoire” of yours will get no expanding.

Had you known that these fortunes mean nothing ordothey? could you have done so fine a job turning it into free therapy?

- r

When you wash your hands with liquid soap do you..